Grudges vs. Self Worth

You would think that grudges and self worth are two separate entities. That one wouldn't have anything to do with the other....but today, I had a conversation that sorta leads me to believe that in some minds, self worth is defined by the result of certain grudges. Me personally, I can't hold a grudge. I don't forget...but I don't hold a grudge. I've always accepted the concept "Forgive but never forget"...meaning, yeah we can get past this, but I will never forget the way the situation affected my life. But back to the conversation....there was a person and a situation that occurred over 3 years ago....In case you haven't figured it out, the situation didn't end well.

Over THREE years ago! Yet today I was told that as a result of the situation, this person is no longer capable of loving....that they think relationships are based on false expectations and that they feel as if they should be someone they are not. Maybe Im naive...but how can one person alter another person's life to that degree? How can you allow one person to determine ur self worth? Wow.....

Okay...I've gotten that out...

Now....here's my post for today....Internal Death- ironic huh

Internally dying,
Externally crying,
Reaching out for the one I love,
But he’s not there.

In times like these,
Where my emotions have divorced my heart,
And I’m unable to decipher whether I have feelings or not,
Are the days I miss him most.

I’ve retreated into a cocoon,
Protecting my thoughts from probing readers,
Resting the wheels of my mind,
And I’m able to sleep,
In peace.

I’m no longer complete,
My heart mourns the death of its right side,
I long to feel the strength of his hands,
The warmth of his touch,
To rekindle the fire that was present for so many years.

His love was replaced with a prosthetic,
There for the sole purpose of use,
His service acceptable but not superior,
Our union clean as a whistle on the outside,
Just don’t check the interior……

I’ve learned to say the right things,
Go to the right places,
Take him mentally and physically where he wants to be,
Yet, I haven't given him the vital key….
To me...